they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
