She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
