I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
