dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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