what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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