u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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