sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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