i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
