My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize