just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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