The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she peed on how many people?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
