Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
