nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
