Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
