Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
