I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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