i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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