anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
