They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
