Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
