she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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