ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
