First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize