Cold hands, warm shart.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
