i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
