what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
