we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
