her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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