I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize