That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
