Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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