so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
