No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
