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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....

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• (281): View more from Texas

  my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."

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• (562): View more from California

  Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order

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• (209): View more from California

  His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.

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• (315): View more from New York

  New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?

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• (305): View more from Florida

  Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!

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