You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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