I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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