I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
