so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
