remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize