Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
