my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
we should paint friendship bongs
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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