I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
