Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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