it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
