My hand turned me down
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
