I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
