you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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