how can u be prego again
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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