I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
