I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You dont lie about slip and slides
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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