My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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