but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
