i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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