Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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