I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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