This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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