My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
