Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
