can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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