I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
