Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think my moral compass just broke
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