so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
