I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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