Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
