So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
