i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
