The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I still have a little drunk in my system
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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