Just mADE A PArabola og urine
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
