Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize