UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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