laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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