Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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